Dance Mogul MagazineThe Spirit of Gratitude Series
The Series Opener
Dance Mogul Magazine · Self-Empowerment · Perspective
Why Should I Be Grateful to Someone I Consider “Below” Me?
The spirit of gratitude begins when we stop measuring people by status and start recognizing the humanity, effort, and kindness behind what they give.
October 26, 2026 · By Dance Mogul Magazine
Respect does not require equal titles or equal paychecks. It requires recognizing equal human dignity. Illustration: Dance Mogul Magazine
Imagine arriving at an important performance, presentation, or event and discovering that something has gone wrong. A person you barely notice—perhaps the custodian, the assistant, the driver, the intern, or a volunteer—steps forward and helps put things right. You benefit from their effort.
Now imagine the thought that follows: Why should I be grateful? That person is below me in life.
It is an uncomfortable question. It is also a revealing one, because it asks whether our appreciation should depend on the social standing of the person who helps us—or on the goodness of what they chose to do.
The answer is simple, even if practicing it is not: gratitude is not an award we give only to people we consider important. It is how we acknowledge that someone else’s time, care, ability, or generosity mattered.
A Four-Part DMM Series
This essay opens The Spirit of Gratitude, a DMM series on recognizing kindness wherever it comes from. Three real-world examples follow: a custodian who saves a young dancer’s showcase, a stranger society overlooks who helps a dancer reach her audition, and a choreographer who finally thanks the man who gave his crew a place to practice.
First, What Do We Mean by “Lower”?
In society, people are frequently ranked by income, education, occupation, influence, appearance, or access to opportunity. Those differences are real, and some come with very real power. A manager may supervise a worker. A celebrity may have a larger platform than a fan. A business owner may possess resources an employee does not.
But power and human worth are not the same thing. Having more money does not mean having more character. A prestigious title does not guarantee wisdom. Being younger, less educated, or less financially secure does not make someone’s kindness less valuable.
Someone may occupy a lower position on an organizational chart without being beneath anyone in humanity. That distinction changes everything.
What Is the True Spirit of Gratitude?
Gratitude begins with awareness. We recognize that something good happened; then we recognize that we were not its only source. Someone taught us, listened to us, offered support, protected our time, shared knowledge, showed patience, or made a difficult day easier.
The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley describes gratitude through two components set out by psychologist Robert Emmons: affirming that there is goodness in our lives, and recognizing that the sources of that goodness lie outside ourselves. Emmons calls gratitude a relationship-strengthening emotion. The value of that idea is not that we become dependent or indebted. It is that we become more aware of our relationships and of how much life is sustained by other people’s contributions.
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Gratitude is the discipline of seeing what pride can make us overlook.
DMM Editorial Reflection
A sincere thank-you says, I see what you did, and I do not consider your effort invisible. It does not say, You are above me or I now owe you control over my life.
The Many Forms of Gratitude
The spirit of gratitude is bigger than a single phrase, gift, or religious practice. It can take many forms, and the form should fit the relationship and the moment.
1. Verbal gratitude: Say what mattered
“Thank you for staying late.” “I appreciated that you listened.” “You noticed something everyone else missed.” Specific acknowledgment tells people you understood their contribution. You do not need an elaborate speech to be sincere.
2. Respectful gratitude: Treat people well before you need them
Make eye contact. Learn names. Listen without interrupting. Do not speak down to someone because their job title is different from yours. Respect is not a reward reserved for people who can open doors for you.
3. Practical gratitude: Turn appreciation into action
Offer help when you can. Give a colleague the credit they earned. Bring food to someone carrying a heavy caregiving load. Support the community organization that supported you. Sometimes gratitude is most believable when it costs us a little time, attention, or convenience.
4. Economic gratitude: Pay fairly and recognize labor
In the workplace, saying “we appreciate you” cannot replace fair pay, proper credit, safe conditions, or agreed-upon compensation. Thank the people who prepare the space, move the equipment, teach the class, and make the event possible—and make sure appreciation does not become an excuse to ask them for free work.
5. Relational gratitude: Notice the people closest to you
It is easy to thank a stranger for a single favor while overlooking the person who cooks, drives, cleans, checks in, raises children, cares for an elder, or quietly carries emotional responsibility at home. Marriage, friendship, and family should not make invisible labor invisible.
6. Humble gratitude: Be willing to learn from anyone
A younger dancer might teach a veteran artist a new movement vocabulary. A student might identify a better way to communicate. Someone without professional credentials may understand a community more deeply than an expert who has never lived there. Humility means remaining teachable without denying your own achievements.
7. Quiet gratitude: Do good without an audience
Some appreciation belongs in private: a handwritten note, a sincere apology, a ride home, a returned phone call, or a promise kept. Public praise can be meaningful, but gratitude is not more genuine just because it appears online.
8. Spiritual and reflective gratitude: Recognize life beyond achievement
Some people express thanks through prayer or their faith. Others reflect on nature, community, good fortune, survival, or another day to begin again. Gratitude does not require everyone to share the same belief system. And it does not require pretending that painful or unjust circumstances are blessings.
9. Reciprocal gratitude: Pass goodness forward
You may never be able to repay the exact person who helped you. You can still honor what you received by mentoring a newcomer, giving another artist a fair opportunity, or being present for someone who needs support. Gratitude becomes a legacy when goodness is allowed to continue beyond one exchange.
The Dance Studio Test: Who Makes the Performance Possible?
Picture a performance night. The principal dancer receives applause. The choreographer is recognized. The director speaks to the audience. Yet there are teachers who built the foundation, parents who arranged transportation, technicians who made the sound work, stagehands who prepared the floor, custodians who maintained the space, assistants who solved problems, and young performers who showed up ready to learn.
None of their contributions cancels the achievement of the person in the spotlight. But the spotlight should not convince us that only the most visible contribution has value.
In dance culture, honoring pioneers while mentoring the next generation is one way to recognize that art is carried by many hands. As DMM explored in Cultural Succession: A Message to the Next Generation, what we receive should not end with us. Part 1 of this series takes this test into a real studio on showcase night.
Why Can Power Make Saying Thank You Difficult?
There is a psychological dimension to the question. Research by Eric M. Anicich, Alice J. Lee and Shi Liu, published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, found that people in relatively higher-power positions tended to feel and express less gratitude after receiving a favor—largely because they felt more entitled to it—while people with less power expressed more, driven by a stronger desire to build close relationships. That does not describe every leader, but it is an invitation to examine how expectation and entitlement can affect our awareness.
A study first published online in 2025, by Kristin Laurin, Kate W. Guan and Ayana Younge in Social Psychological and Personality Science, found that observers sometimes read intense thanks—especially messages devoted entirely to gratitude—as a sign that the person thanking held lower status. The lead researcher described the effects as modest, and in real workplace messages, extra words or emojis did not consistently change how people were seen. That is an important distinction: gratitude should not have to become a performance of submission.
A balanced expression can be sincere, direct, and confident. “I appreciate what you did” is enough. You can acknowledge help without surrendering your voice, authority, or boundaries.
What Gratitude Is Not
Gratitude is not pretending a harmful act was kind. It is not overlooking exploitation because someone once did you a favor. It is not tolerating disrespect, surrendering your judgment, or staying in an unhealthy relationship out of obligation. You may appreciate a genuine contribution while still saying no, asking for accountability, or ending a relationship.
Nor should people be required to be grateful for basic rights, fair treatment, or the compensation they have earned. You can thank an employer for a thoughtful gesture without treating your wages as charity. You can honor a mentor’s teaching without giving that mentor ownership of your future.
Real gratitude and self-respect belong together.
Five Ways to Practice the Spirit of Gratitude Today
- Notice someone whose work is often unseen. Thank them for something specific without making assumptions about their circumstances.
- Give credit publicly and appreciation privately. Let people know exactly how they contributed.
- Review what you call “expected.” Someone’s responsibility does not erase the effort it takes to fulfill it.
- Match your words with your conduct. Honor commitments, pay what you owe, and respect other people’s time.
- Ask what you can pass forward. Not every favor requires repayment, but every act of kindness offers a chance to build a more generous culture.
So Why Should I Be Grateful?
Because the person did something that mattered. Because their circumstances do not reduce their humanity. Because recognizing an act of care does not make you less successful, less important, or less deserving. And because a life built only on what we have achieved can easily forget the people who helped make achievement possible.
We do not have to pretend everyone has the same opportunities or the same social power. We do have to decide whether those differences will determine who receives our respect.
The spirit of gratitude is not about who stands above or below us. It is about whether we are willing to see one another at all.
Why This Matters to DMM
Dance Mogul Magazine exists to inspire self-empowerment through lived human stories, and dance has always taught that no one rises alone. Every career we document—on Broadway, in the cypher, in the studio down the block—was carried by people the audience never saw: the teacher who stayed late, the parent who drove, the custodian who unlocked the door.
Our values put people before popularity and character before celebrity. Gratitude is where those values become daily practice. This series exists to help readers of every age see the dignity in the people around them—and to become the kind of artist, leader, and neighbor others are grateful to know.
Continue The Spirit of Gratitude Series
- Series Opener · You are reading
Why Should I Be Grateful to Someone I Consider “Below” Me? - Part 1
The True Spirit of Gratitude: Everyone Has Something to Give - Part 2
Real-World Gratitude Example: When Help Comes From Someone Society Overlooks - Part 3
Real-World Gratitude Example: Gratitude Changes You
Frequently Asked Questions
Does saying thank you make me look weak?
No. A clear, sincere expression of thanks acknowledges a contribution. You can be grateful and still be confident, competent, and appropriately assertive.
Do I have to thank someone who is paid to help me?
You do not owe excessive praise, but a sincere acknowledgment is still respectful. Compensation and gratitude serve different purposes: one fulfills an obligation, while the other recognizes a person’s effort.
Can I be grateful to someone and still set boundaries?
Yes. You can value what was helpful without accepting manipulation, unfair expectations, or ongoing disrespect.
What if I do not feel grateful during a difficult period?
You do not need to force the feeling. Sadness, anger, exhaustion, and appreciation can coexist. Start by noticing what is true rather than pretending every hardship has a positive purpose.
Research & Further Reading
This is an editorial reflection informed by published research, not a claim that every person experiences gratitude in the same way.
- Greater Good Science Center (UC Berkeley) — Gratitude Defined
- Anicich, Lee & Liu — “Thanks, But No Thanks: Unpacking the Relationship Between Relative Power and Gratitude,” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (Cornell University summary)
- Anicich, Lee & Liu — PubMed record
- Laurin, Guan & Younge — “Does Saying ‘Thanks a Lot’ Make You Look Less Than? The Magnitude of Gratitude Shapes Perceptions of Relational Hierarchy,” Social Psychological and Personality Science
Related DMM reading: Cultural Succession: A Message to the Next Generation · Kim Gingras on Taking Risks and Remaining Humble
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